It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
