"it" just moved
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
