you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
