that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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