Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
