I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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