i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize