I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
