6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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