I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
