May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
