I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
