i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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