While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
