Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
