I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I love having hate sex.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
