Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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