you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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