Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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