i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
