so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
