Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
