Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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