I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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