i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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