5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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