so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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