dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
