ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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