i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
