if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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