YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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