i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
