i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
