I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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