I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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