Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
