those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize