so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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