smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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