i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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