i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
