She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My penis needs a shock collar
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
