she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
