I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
