I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wish there were birth control emojis
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
