there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
