my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
please come you make the beer taste better
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
