Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
