grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
