so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
