you traded sex for a burrito?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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