I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
