How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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