I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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