I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Fuck appropriateness.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
