Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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