You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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