Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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