I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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