I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
accomplished twins. life is a go
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
