Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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