Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
