She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
