It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
